Ok, so my son couldn’t get to sleep last night. This turned out it be a good thing in a way.
Because I think as a result we have revolutionized the fairytale itself.
I always wondered about Goldilocks’ motivation in visiting the Bear family house. I mean, why was she there? Just as part of some sort of Margot Kidder-like mental breakdown? You don’t just go waltzing through the woods eating anthropomorphized-bear porridge as a 8-year-old blond girl. At least none that I ever knew did that.
Then last night, in talking about it with my son, I realized that there was more to the story, far more–and it had been sitting right before our eyes for years!
See, it’s like this:
Golidlocks was actually fleeing the traumatic moment she discovered her grandmother — to whom she was bringing a care package — was actually a wolf in a dainty bonnet. She fled her grandmother’s house through the woods in a state of absolute panic, hotly pursued by the ravenous wolf.
She managed to reach a small subdivision built by the Pig brothers in an idyllic clearing. She made it all the way to the farthest house, which happened to be open and uninhabited at the time.
In her state of panic and after running off a few hundred calories, she scarfed down the first bit of palatable food she could find. Later, she decamped to the living room, only to find that her nervous disposition caused her to break a piece of children’s furniture. She ran upstairs and hid in a child’s bed, perhaps hoping she would be mistaken for the child who lived there, and thus might not be as attractive to her assailant. Because hairy bear.
So when the Bears came home, they were (unknowingly) just ahead of the path of destruction the wolf was leaving as he worked his way through Piggy Acres, starting with the straw house. Just as the wolf had given up trying to blow down the brick house, and was on the roof trying to get down the chimney, he saw his prey emerge from the Bear residence in a panic.
“Hey! Kid!” he yells from the chimney before leaping to the ground and quickly devouring Goldilocks while pigs and bears watch.
Anyway, I think this has something to do with my upcoming novel. Check it out at http://diamondtbook.com