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Sometimes I think America’s problems all get back to the loss of the Dodge brand used on trucks.


Like millions of other Americans, I grew up with the confidence that Dodge trucks were RAM tough! It was the spiritual basis of my youth in west Phoenix — a mantra drilled into my head multiple times through every NFL pre-game show at regular intervals.

A few years back, they stopped calling them “Dodge” and now just refer to them as “Ram.” Ram is now a brand in itself. But see, “Ram Trucks are Ram Tough” is something like a tautology — one that says nothing to anyone who’s not a deconstructionist postmodern linguistic philosopher: Self-referential in the extreme.

Thus, everyone is a now lost. We nihilists wander over a broken landscape of boarded-up chain stores wearing black turtlenecks and passing out pamphlets, our sad and empty eyes occasionally drawn to half-broken trinkets in the gutter that say upon them “Made in China.” What can be said to be RAM tough these days? Certainly not a shattered Pikachu figurine, its digital voicebox squaking out some unintelligible drivel.

In loss of the Dodge brand on trucks, America itself was lost.